Dating in the City: the charming Mr. Rico

Sunday and Monday were relatively busy days. My good good friend[call him kid.brother] came into town-we had some business to take care of on Monday. So i did a little preparing for him to get here, cleaned up, made a few phone calls and ordered some food. Mr. Rico informed me that he wanted to come back and see me this day as well-well that night. So I agreed that that was a pretty good idea. I remember falling asleep on the couch earlier and waking up later in the day to kid.brother calling me letting me know that he was catching a cab to the train station && for me to meet him there. This was all about 8:3o-ish, I went through my recent calls to see that Mr. Rico had in fact NOT called me. So I go to meet kid.brother and we catch up on the things we havent already discussed on the phone-we havent seen one another since everyone left for the summer[the end of May to be exact]. All this && still no call from Mr. Rico. Later that night during conversation I get the call from Mr. Rico, we talked about this, that and the other.

--Monday morning was a lil faster, kid.brother and I woke up early, got dressed and prepared for a very long day of...business to say the least. Met with our other good friend and headed out to the University. The day was filled with signing papers, gettin pin numbers, finding room assignments, speakers, seminars, bottled water, running here, running there, smiles and bad attitudes. Mr. Rico did good about contacting me throughout the day[via text]. When we were getting to the home stretch in this lil business day he called me. We talked while he was at work and I, once again, agreed to see him that night...smh

The day ends, we head back home. I loose myself in my friends for as long as I could but when we reach back to the condo my brother comes by to finish watching Mr. & Mrs. Smith with kid.brother and I, he ends up falling asleep as did kid.brother. Time passes a lil to slowly for me...again, no call from Mr. Rico. Now I get a text telling me that a few more people we know are going to stop by and see kid.brother befor he heads out in the morning. Now when I get this text a few things happen back to back:

-I wake my brother so that he can sleep in the other room because of the noise im sure our friends are going to make when they arrive.
-I get a call from a friend of mines. A really nice Jamaican guy who i've been emailing and instant messaging for awhile, trying to pick up with a relatively intimate conversation we placed on hold almost a week earlier.
-the friends come in loud and hyper-for adults anyways.

There's all this moving around, pulling out food from everywhere, cooking, the tv goes on mute and the music is turned up a lil louder. Of course the jamaican and I end our conversation for the time being, putting off that conversation for yet another day.
^{. . .}
After the friends leave, my brother leaves for work && kid.brother heads off to sleep I'm still up, with no call from Mr. Rico, now I know myself. I like attention and when im not getting it I will more than likely just leave it alone and move on-not necessarely to another person just on with my life. Like I said i dont deal with bullshit, im going to do everything that I can to make sure that im not left as the fool or feeling neglected. 11:o4 I get a text from Mr. Rico: whatre you doing?. 11:o7 I make a call instead of texting and his sister answers the phone telling me that he's at the store. So I decide then that im done and no longer give a damn about this lil "thing" we have going on. I turn off the lights and go to bed.

--Tuesday
autonomous: If you're not trying to be serious when dealing with me, then let me know, dont do this here today gone tomorrow type of stuff.

Mr. Rico: I am trying to fuck with you, you know about what I have going on. im doing my best to make time I truely am. It might not come off that way but I am.

autonomous: Yeah, well I hear you, you keep telling me that but w/e, you good

Mr. Rico: I know man, Im just saying Im feeling you. Its alot going on.

autonomous: I know, it's just--

Mr. Rico: I just have to do better about showing you. Aye mane, im just having a fucked up week so far. I dont want you to think im tryna play games with you or nothing like that. Thats all imma say right now, and imma call you in a few ok!

autonomous: ...yeah

Am I being too hard on him?
Maybe I should loosen up a lil bit?
Should I?

-au•ton•o•mous

Dating in the City: meet me outside on tenth

Friday. I woke up, showered, cleaned the condo[as you can see], and fixed myself some food. Mostly layed around the condo and tried to catch up on some much needed rest-I rarely ever sleep, i nap. The day came and went for me. A little later in the evening I got a call from my brother telling me he was on his way to work. We talked a lil bit and he suggested that i get out of the house, head down to Blakes and get a few good laughs in. Blakes was free this night-or maybe every night im not sure. So I really had nothing to loose. On my way there I took in the city, this is my home. I love this city the bright lights, fast cars, melting pot of people. This is my home.

Walking up the sidewalk I could see just how long the line was-down the ramp and through the parking lot. Once I finally got inside the fun began. I have no issue with going places alone-im known to take myself on dates, movies, dinner, shopping etc. Even the bar. This was only my second visit to this bar so im not entirely sure about how everything works there, there was a drag show going on downstairs and drinking and palm reading upstairs...lol. I didn't go to the bar in hopes of meeting anyone, I went purely to get a few laughs in and be around people. Although I stayed to myself mostly I had a breif and interesting talk with an older guy who said it was his 43rd birthday that night. He looked really good for his age but didnt act his age, he'd allowed the liquor to get the best of him that night.

Blakes has a mixed crowd, mostly white, some indian, hispanic, asian and few blacks[of all ages] but I think im coming to really fall for this establishment. The one thing i've noticed between the black gay establishments vs the white ones that i've visited is that there is much less pressure at the white establishments. I was able to just go and enjoy the music, I dont drink but there were cheap drinks and happy people. Somewhere between 1:3o && 2:oo a very nice looking young man entered my line of sight. Now I'd noticed him for a split second earlier but the combination of bad lighting and a packed building didnt allow me to really appreciate what i saw. Once we happened to be in the exact same area that was all she wrote. We exchanged the friendly banter that goes along with the pre and post exchange of numbers. Interestingly enough he's [100%]Puerto Rican. I say interestingly because
1: He looks to be mixed, maybe black and puerto rican.
&& 2: I'm an advid lover of black men.

His conversation and mannerisims attracted me to him, it wasnt merely phyiscal. After the lights came on and everyone piled out of the bar we spent a good amount of time talking, slowly walking him to the car && on the way [get this:] two white men approached us, asking us about partying-"scoring some drugs" [sad but true]. So me with my past experiences and my feelings about white people and especially ignorant white people decided against my normal reaction which would have had me acting in not such a good light. I dont allow alot of things to get to me or if I do I dont allow it to show to the general public and I was not about to allow this guy to see me in that light just yet. To my surprise he politely put the guy in his place telling him about himself [as it relates to his very racist preconcieved notion of us having or knowing where to get drugs-becuase we're men of color]. I must say his smooth tongue and our shared thoughts on the matter turned me onto him that much more.

--Saturday: My brother and I headed out to a very lavish party. A big house in a nice area owned by a black man, a gay black man. The house was filled to capasity with handsome && successful gay men of color. It was a side of the gay world that i think would prove to be good for some to see. I mean each one of the four levels was filled with docotrs, lawyers, business owners, dentist, publicist, grad students, fashion house affiliates, successful r&b personalities, && the list goes on.

Mr. P.Rico, he and I texted and talked throughout the day, he has a northern swagga about him-some NYc/New Jersey type of deal. Its cute, I like it, nothing like i've dealt with before. He surprised me though, he texted me when my brother and I were leaving the bar:

Mr. P.Rico: you still out?
autonomous: yeah, what's up?
Mr. P.Rico: come out here, meet me on tenth

Wanted to see me since he and his people were in the area. He's a seemingly sweet guy. Looking foward to kicking it with him. Sometime soon.
Stay Tuned

-au•ton•o•mous

Pull this knife out my back please

Befor reading allow me to direct you to my earlier post on friendship [click here].

I've always been a good friend to my friends. Its something I have prided myself on. Everyone has that one friend that they can call when life gets the best of you, that friend that seems to make things better, or at least a lil more bearable, by telling you the truth and being 'real' with you. That friend was me[I say was-becuase my patience is NOTHING like it used to be]. Where is all this going you might ask..

Well, back in the place i called home prior to Oz I had a friend. She was a nice young lady that id known since middle school. She, like many young black women in steriotypes, is involved with a man who does nothing for her, he cheats, he takes her money all the things that you see in rap videos and in court television shows.
Moving along, she's been in this worthless relationship for years and though i didnt think this man was worth of her love, time or attention i never bad mouthed him. She was my friend && no matter my feelings on the sitiuation you have to allow people to learn and fall on their own. So thats what i did, I didnt want to add to the rest of our friends who left her alone, who abandoned her because of her relationship. She allowed her boyfriend-who is still cheating, to disrespect her even in the faces of our friends. && what did she do...GOT PREGNANT.

Id often hear her say lil comments like "if I get pregnant he'll do better" these comments were always laughed off as a bad joke. I couldnt believe that she'd go and get knocked up by him...Love is a dangerous thing i suspose. As I sit here typing these thoughts as they flow from me, as raw as possible, I reflect over the years of my friendship with this young lady. I can remember how dead beat her boyfriend was, because of this[as well as her and I being good friends] I'd often take it apon myself to help her. Like the times I was the only person who helped her move into her apartments. When i would help her financially when her family turned on her. When I went above and beyond for her simply out of friendship. I went so far as to help her get an apartment when she was pregnant-WHY? Her family turned against her, not offering her any assistance, her boyfriend was a dead beat, it was in the dead of winter, she was kicked out of her home and litterally on the street.

When we got this apt she had a good job, paying well, a long term gig. well I put my trust in our friendship with this one...what happened you ask. Fast Foward>> to Summer of 2007 when I find out this woman has gotten evicted from the apt for non payment, risking fuccing up both our credit history. At the time, I was down here in Oz and she was back in that place that was once home. It took my faith in a higher power and FreeCreditReport.com to calm me down, relax my soul and allow me to forgive her for this fiendish act. An act that she never spoke on, she changed her number and moved into a house. I saw my history was clean so i let it go.

Fast Foward>> once again to my ride on the number 33 today[heading home after an interview for a job I know I got]. My phone rings, its my mother. She asks me if I know anyone on this particular street. I say no...then i think a lil harder and let my mind wonder.. Then I let her know that last I heard, my good old friend moved into a house on that street. Well.. GET THIS FOLKS: There is a Consumers Energy bill in my name for $800.oo, yes you read right eight hundred dollars at that house. So with that I ask you to Pull this knife out my back please.

Attention: So as to protect myself from any incriminating evidence that may spring up as a cause of my anger-motivated actions as it relates to this very aggrivating scenario I will end the story here.

Thank You
-au•ton•o•mous

Dating in the City

Atlanta Ga, I relocated here to for a few specific reasons. For my love of larger cities-me coming from a slightly smaller city, school after highschool, & to help advance my career-building my social calendar one contact at a time. Now these are reasons that i had in mind when i decided back in late 2006 to head down that yellow brick road[75south] into Oz. I have worked my ass off. I have planned everything from how i was getting here, where i would stay, where would my income be coming from, what i would eat, which family members to inform[not eveyone has the greatest advice to give when you decide to do your own thing] but it would seem that because I am a young black male-who enjoys company, both emotional and physical, of men i.e. GAY here in Oz, that everyone believes I have came here for the "overabundance of black gay men"
...smh

Nearly every man that I have met[usually older] makes the most ballsy comments along the affect of: "Oh you in Midtown, thats where all the men at" "Oh you young in atlanta, I know you be at the clubs" "I know you got a bunch of men you talking to"... UGH! I mean seriously, these comments come even after i sit and offer to them a vague overview of one of my five year plans-I refuse to be content with just one plan B. I shake my head at this. I know this is not the consensus of all me here in Oz. When i hear things like this the first thing out of my mouth is usually that there are gay men EVERYWHERE in the world so why would i head to Atlanta just to "find a man" && by the way, who said I was looking for a man? && whats up with no one[male] ever even considering that my attraction is not purely phyiscal-women enter my thoughts and sometimes my line of sight as well.

Dating here in Oz has been an experience to say the least. Key word: DATING. No one seems to be on the same page as I with this one, so allow me to throw a lil bit of myself out there in hopes that we[whomever & I] will be better able to find some form of common ground.

The Art of Dating: Dating is an artform. Being able to spend time with another person, exploring one anothers interest, talents, and company. That being said, sex may or may not be included in this art its entirely up to the dater[s]. [For myself] The purpose of dating is to learn someone as well as yourself, everyone is not going to mesh well with everyone-so you learn alot about yourself in dating. At the end of the day, through my dating experiences, even if we do not end up "in a relationship" I would like to have gained at the least familiar face and not just another unused contact in my phone.

I will say that I am not one for bullshit, I dont take kindly to people who dont live by their word-at times your word is all you have to represent yourself. Alot of conversations have been cut short not to say that im shallow or boujee at all I just refuse to become victim to this idea that all us young black men are the same. We are not!

-au•ton•o•mous

Honey, I'm home!

I touched down in Alanta early last week sometime. Since i've been back my main priority has been searching for and obtaining a job. I must say that i've been doing a pretty damn good job at doing so. I have been living in my slacks, steve maddens and ties-sometimes a bow tie. I have been getting my nutrition from the stacks of my resumes that i have at hand. I have been waking up with my face pressed against my keyboard, with Mr. Craigslist starring me in my face early in the morning. I must admit i have had my moments of feeling discouraged: 'black' man in ameriKKKa without a job. I have, as I always have had, my mother to feed me the words of encouragemet and keep me going. So after these 8 days that have felt more like a few months I may have just ran into a break. So i'm all smiles over this way-deservenly so, might I ad.

--School is cool, but a Career is better...
Although my number one mission has been getting a job, I have been trying to spend time with the few friends I have here in the land of Oz. Friends...an interesting concept. Well I have five friends here that I was in school with. We have all been pursuing our career, chasing our dreams, and grinding hard.... SO I THOUGHT. Since ive been back I have noticed that not everyone is stepping up to the plate. This is something that i knew..but I just assumed that since I am serious about the words i speak into my life, that everyone els would be as well...NOT! I have changed that original number of five friends to three. Why? This was done because I don't associate myself, intentionally, with people who are not doing anything with life. Especially my people of color. It gets to me when i see young black men and women sitting around accomplishing nothing. I say this becauase I have been living under the old words: blacks have to work twice as hard as our white counterparts just to be seen as half as good. We have enough steriotypes floating around about us, and new ones surfacing daily[thanks ameriKKKan media]. So i hate seeing people proving these true. Especially people who call themselve my friends.
I am working on something big-ME, the future. The relationships i have now has got to be able to benefit me in the future. Im not sure if I sound shallow to some but I could care less at this point. I have some successes under my belt, but I will not allow them to have me walking around like I've made it already. So thats why I have changed that number to THREE from five. If im out here grinding, trying to make my name known and putting in the work why wouldnt I expect the same from the company I keep? The sad thing about the sitiuation is that the two that i have let go are smart, beautiful, talented BLACK women. Who happen to also be Lazy and filled with excuses, looking for handouts..handouts that I am just NOT willing to give...

-au•ton•o•mous

&& then he said

au•ton•o•mous

Pronunciation: (ô-ton'u-mus), [key]—adj.
1. Govt.
a. self-governing; independent; subject to its own laws only.
b. pertaining to an autonomy.
2. having autonomy; not subject to control from outside; independent: a subsidiary that functioned as an autonomous unit.
3. Biol.
a. existing and functioning as an independent organism.
b. spontaneous