So, tell me something about yourself..

au•ton•o•mous : ...well, i like slow music and vibrant paintings
HIM: lol
au•ton•o•mous : moving backwards in a sea of everyone moving foward
au•ton•o•mous : cant be engulfed in the bullshit that life throws at you
au•ton•o•mous : so i find solice in being alone
au•ton•o•mous : many friends = many issues.
au•ton•o•mous : unnecessary
au•ton•o•mous : but i digress
au•ton•o•mous : whatre you doing
HIM: talking to u pa
au•ton•o•mous : oh okay
HIM: so whats ur favorite part on a males body that u just love
au•ton•o•mous : well let me know if i got to far of in left feild
au•ton•o•mous : fav part
au•ton•o•mous : that i just love.
au•ton•o•mous : in thE males physical body?
au•ton•o•mous : or the male overall
HIM: ummm both
au•ton•o•mous : well the male body physically...
au•ton•o•mous : id have to say ...
au•ton•o•mous : that i cannot say
au•ton•o•mous : theres not a one location on a males physical body
au•ton•o•mous : that i can claim as my favorite
au•ton•o•mous : the males physical body in itself is a blessing to me
au•ton•o•mous : something to be cherished.
au•ton•o•mous : much like with being intimate
au•ton•o•mous : you cannot
au•ton•o•mous : well I cannot just focus on one part, the penis the ass the mouth
au•ton•o•mous : it would be like...
au•ton•o•mous : looking at a painting
au•ton•o•mous : split in half
au•ton•o•mous : how can you appreciate the piece how it was intended if you are only seing half
au•ton•o•mous : half of what the artist had in mind
au•ton•o•mous : thats the physical
au•ton•o•mous : but as far as the overall. i can say that i dont have a favorite
au•ton•o•mous : but there are certain things that i like
au•ton•o•mous : one of which being the mans capacity for love
au•ton•o•mous : a man steriotypically is afraid to show emotion
au•ton•o•mous : so when a man actually does show his feelings
au•ton•o•mous : however good or bad it is and should be memorable
au•ton•o•mous : the capasity that we have for love as an umbrella of emothioss
au•ton•o•mous : the sense of protection
au•ton•o•mous : even a quote unquote "bottom" has the sense of aggressive protection for his mate
au•ton•o•mous : and his security
au•ton•o•mous : not always looking to be taken care of , as women are[steriotypically anyways]
au•ton•o•mous : ill stop there
au•ton•o•mous : ...
HIM: wow!!
au•ton•o•mous : wow?
HIM: you can go on forever..u just bacame THAT MUCH MORE sexy to me***..I think I love ur mind., and the way u think
au•ton•o•mous : well thank you so much for listening, and posing the initial question
HIM: no problem , it's just a question
HIM: lol
au•ton•o•mous : it wasnt though...lol
au•ton•o•mous : not many ppl even care
au•ton•o•mous : nor act like they care..so
au•ton•o•mous : or if they ask its about sex
HIM: ive posed that question before to several men..and ur answer was by far the best i've ecer received

-au•ton•o•mous

Dating in the City: This Week

::Moment of Silence for Bernie Mac who passed this morning::

Its been a lil minute i know. I would love to give exact detail of the events thatve been going on...BUT...deaing with the University has been really really kicking my ass. When I wake up all i do is job search online and loan search online. I mean i do have the life I live in between that but thats what im focused on at the moment.

When We Last Left...

Mr. Rico did the same thing again. The no show of it all. I mean he's a really nice guy and I appreciate him. I just cannot stand the inconsistantness of it all. He did pop up later than anticipated, I let him know just like i did befor that "popping up" IS NOT the best thing to do, what if i wasnt here, or what if i was here entertaining guest. On top of all that I DONT DO POP UPS unless your being chased by some axe murderer and im the only option[or something dramatic like that] you don't just STOP BY my place. I will say that I must like him more than i thought. His visit was rather enjoyable. We had fun, did the chillin thing and that was that. All that was earlier in the week-dont ask me the specific day or detail, like I said this University drama has my days running together. One week to me is one long day.

Mr. Handsome though, we've kept in touch. talking all the time. Our conversation has grew and hit on so many different subjects. We've been throwing tips at one anther as it protains to our talents and field of interest. Even with all that I was surprised when he told me to meet him at Lennox Square one morning. I met him there and the day took off. It felt good to have someone take and do for me for a change, beneath this attitude and rough outlook on relationships lies a very emotional man. Something that I DO NOT reveal to people. We ended up at his loft over in Atlantic Station-WONDERFUL VIEW[especially at night]

Fast Foward>> Last Night id spent the day working online, doing the usual and giving myself a headache with the damn University work. I've met a few very nice older men who hold certain positions and have been really helpful. I am really appreciative, one of these mentors[thas what ill call them] offerend to come by and cook us dinner while we look over some files that were sent to me. I accepted but forgotton that I had already agreed to go to dinner with Mr. Handsome and his best friend earlier. So unforturnately I had to take a rain check.

Mr. Handsome, his friend and I headed to City Cafe' Diner for some late night food. It was the best that ive eaten in awhile. Now dont get too excited about it, that might've been simply because i haven't eaten in like four days..I KNOW I KNOW, that's not good everyone is telling me but I have other things thatre on my mind. The quesidilla that i ordered was Great, so if you get a chance to hit up City Cafe' after hours ask for Nichole, a beautiful tall dark skinned waitress who will treat you right. && please please give her a nice tip.

Mr. Handsome invitied me back to his condo to watch movies with his best friend and his date, I agreed & for whatever reason[possibly me eating more than what I shouldve] I fell asleep. I was dogg tired, had been up and going since the night before-with no rest. I woke up this morning with the Dallas Cowboys HBO show playing and saw that i was not the only one asleep. It was kind of funny, you have these four adult men laying around half asleep on this fine furniture with the light shining through the blinds laying on our bodies just so. We looked like a haute coutour concept comercial for Diesel + Bacardi lol. I saw that my phone had 12 missed calls from an Atlanta number, then I opened my text messages. I had one at 4:3something in the morning from that number, it was Mr. Rico-who was susposed to come by and spend the day with me that day but we all know how he opperates, should change his name to Mr. M.I.A. So i returned home this morning around 11:something. Got a call from Mr. Rico, he said he was in my area last night and wanted to take me to this latin club- as if we didn't already have plans...smh. Well he's susposed to be coming by today. I agreed to him coming but I really have lost my faith in his word.

So if he's truely planning on coming he should do so before something else comes up

-au•ton•o•mous

Dating in the City: did I leave anything out?

I met a nice young man sometime ago with an accent to die for, in my opinion anyways...lol. He's not from the u.s of a. but he's been here for some time. He's a very nice guy, a regular dude. A hard worker who comes from a lil bit of prestige. What's so funny is that our stories are somewhat similar: from the zodiac, to a few key struggles and personal issues[that's all ill hit on for now]. He's been a nice cool guy, in-the-know about certain things and people-other people who may be trying for my attention as well. What's interesting is that he and I are working hard to make it in the same industry. Meet Mr. Handsome, He's really good at what he does, VERY good at what he does. Although this phone is still set to embarassment mode that has not stopped us from communicating. Before going too far or saying too much ill place his story on To Be Continued--

Well the time is...well it dosent matter, what matters is that it's the evening, which means that the day has passed. I'm sitting here alone, not lonely, just alone. I've had a pretty quiet day, had a few conversations on the phone. Checked email pretty much all day. Watched iCarly and Kennan & Kel and a lil bit of The Food Network today. Made me a very American chicken sandwhich with fries and some cold drink. Listened to music. Talked to Mr. Handsome throughout the day. My younger sister called me and we did a lil bit of catching up.

Did I leave anything out..

Oh yeah, the day that was susposed to be spent with Mr. Rico, that was promised to be spent enjoying one anothers company is the day I just described[above], which means that Mr. Rico did not come through. Once again!

My interest is fading

-au•ton•o•mous

Dating in the City: the charming Mr. Rico

Sunday and Monday were relatively busy days. My good good friend[call him kid.brother] came into town-we had some business to take care of on Monday. So i did a little preparing for him to get here, cleaned up, made a few phone calls and ordered some food. Mr. Rico informed me that he wanted to come back and see me this day as well-well that night. So I agreed that that was a pretty good idea. I remember falling asleep on the couch earlier and waking up later in the day to kid.brother calling me letting me know that he was catching a cab to the train station && for me to meet him there. This was all about 8:3o-ish, I went through my recent calls to see that Mr. Rico had in fact NOT called me. So I go to meet kid.brother and we catch up on the things we havent already discussed on the phone-we havent seen one another since everyone left for the summer[the end of May to be exact]. All this && still no call from Mr. Rico. Later that night during conversation I get the call from Mr. Rico, we talked about this, that and the other.

--Monday morning was a lil faster, kid.brother and I woke up early, got dressed and prepared for a very long day of...business to say the least. Met with our other good friend and headed out to the University. The day was filled with signing papers, gettin pin numbers, finding room assignments, speakers, seminars, bottled water, running here, running there, smiles and bad attitudes. Mr. Rico did good about contacting me throughout the day[via text]. When we were getting to the home stretch in this lil business day he called me. We talked while he was at work and I, once again, agreed to see him that night...smh

The day ends, we head back home. I loose myself in my friends for as long as I could but when we reach back to the condo my brother comes by to finish watching Mr. & Mrs. Smith with kid.brother and I, he ends up falling asleep as did kid.brother. Time passes a lil to slowly for me...again, no call from Mr. Rico. Now I get a text telling me that a few more people we know are going to stop by and see kid.brother befor he heads out in the morning. Now when I get this text a few things happen back to back:

-I wake my brother so that he can sleep in the other room because of the noise im sure our friends are going to make when they arrive.
-I get a call from a friend of mines. A really nice Jamaican guy who i've been emailing and instant messaging for awhile, trying to pick up with a relatively intimate conversation we placed on hold almost a week earlier.
-the friends come in loud and hyper-for adults anyways.

There's all this moving around, pulling out food from everywhere, cooking, the tv goes on mute and the music is turned up a lil louder. Of course the jamaican and I end our conversation for the time being, putting off that conversation for yet another day.
^{. . .}
After the friends leave, my brother leaves for work && kid.brother heads off to sleep I'm still up, with no call from Mr. Rico, now I know myself. I like attention and when im not getting it I will more than likely just leave it alone and move on-not necessarely to another person just on with my life. Like I said i dont deal with bullshit, im going to do everything that I can to make sure that im not left as the fool or feeling neglected. 11:o4 I get a text from Mr. Rico: whatre you doing?. 11:o7 I make a call instead of texting and his sister answers the phone telling me that he's at the store. So I decide then that im done and no longer give a damn about this lil "thing" we have going on. I turn off the lights and go to bed.

--Tuesday
autonomous: If you're not trying to be serious when dealing with me, then let me know, dont do this here today gone tomorrow type of stuff.

Mr. Rico: I am trying to fuck with you, you know about what I have going on. im doing my best to make time I truely am. It might not come off that way but I am.

autonomous: Yeah, well I hear you, you keep telling me that but w/e, you good

Mr. Rico: I know man, Im just saying Im feeling you. Its alot going on.

autonomous: I know, it's just--

Mr. Rico: I just have to do better about showing you. Aye mane, im just having a fucked up week so far. I dont want you to think im tryna play games with you or nothing like that. Thats all imma say right now, and imma call you in a few ok!

autonomous: ...yeah

Am I being too hard on him?
Maybe I should loosen up a lil bit?
Should I?

-au•ton•o•mous

Dating in the City: meet me outside on tenth

Friday. I woke up, showered, cleaned the condo[as you can see], and fixed myself some food. Mostly layed around the condo and tried to catch up on some much needed rest-I rarely ever sleep, i nap. The day came and went for me. A little later in the evening I got a call from my brother telling me he was on his way to work. We talked a lil bit and he suggested that i get out of the house, head down to Blakes and get a few good laughs in. Blakes was free this night-or maybe every night im not sure. So I really had nothing to loose. On my way there I took in the city, this is my home. I love this city the bright lights, fast cars, melting pot of people. This is my home.

Walking up the sidewalk I could see just how long the line was-down the ramp and through the parking lot. Once I finally got inside the fun began. I have no issue with going places alone-im known to take myself on dates, movies, dinner, shopping etc. Even the bar. This was only my second visit to this bar so im not entirely sure about how everything works there, there was a drag show going on downstairs and drinking and palm reading upstairs...lol. I didn't go to the bar in hopes of meeting anyone, I went purely to get a few laughs in and be around people. Although I stayed to myself mostly I had a breif and interesting talk with an older guy who said it was his 43rd birthday that night. He looked really good for his age but didnt act his age, he'd allowed the liquor to get the best of him that night.

Blakes has a mixed crowd, mostly white, some indian, hispanic, asian and few blacks[of all ages] but I think im coming to really fall for this establishment. The one thing i've noticed between the black gay establishments vs the white ones that i've visited is that there is much less pressure at the white establishments. I was able to just go and enjoy the music, I dont drink but there were cheap drinks and happy people. Somewhere between 1:3o && 2:oo a very nice looking young man entered my line of sight. Now I'd noticed him for a split second earlier but the combination of bad lighting and a packed building didnt allow me to really appreciate what i saw. Once we happened to be in the exact same area that was all she wrote. We exchanged the friendly banter that goes along with the pre and post exchange of numbers. Interestingly enough he's [100%]Puerto Rican. I say interestingly because
1: He looks to be mixed, maybe black and puerto rican.
&& 2: I'm an advid lover of black men.

His conversation and mannerisims attracted me to him, it wasnt merely phyiscal. After the lights came on and everyone piled out of the bar we spent a good amount of time talking, slowly walking him to the car && on the way [get this:] two white men approached us, asking us about partying-"scoring some drugs" [sad but true]. So me with my past experiences and my feelings about white people and especially ignorant white people decided against my normal reaction which would have had me acting in not such a good light. I dont allow alot of things to get to me or if I do I dont allow it to show to the general public and I was not about to allow this guy to see me in that light just yet. To my surprise he politely put the guy in his place telling him about himself [as it relates to his very racist preconcieved notion of us having or knowing where to get drugs-becuase we're men of color]. I must say his smooth tongue and our shared thoughts on the matter turned me onto him that much more.

--Saturday: My brother and I headed out to a very lavish party. A big house in a nice area owned by a black man, a gay black man. The house was filled to capasity with handsome && successful gay men of color. It was a side of the gay world that i think would prove to be good for some to see. I mean each one of the four levels was filled with docotrs, lawyers, business owners, dentist, publicist, grad students, fashion house affiliates, successful r&b personalities, && the list goes on.

Mr. P.Rico, he and I texted and talked throughout the day, he has a northern swagga about him-some NYc/New Jersey type of deal. Its cute, I like it, nothing like i've dealt with before. He surprised me though, he texted me when my brother and I were leaving the bar:

Mr. P.Rico: you still out?
autonomous: yeah, what's up?
Mr. P.Rico: come out here, meet me on tenth

Wanted to see me since he and his people were in the area. He's a seemingly sweet guy. Looking foward to kicking it with him. Sometime soon.
Stay Tuned

-au•ton•o•mous

Dating in the City

Atlanta Ga, I relocated here to for a few specific reasons. For my love of larger cities-me coming from a slightly smaller city, school after highschool, & to help advance my career-building my social calendar one contact at a time. Now these are reasons that i had in mind when i decided back in late 2006 to head down that yellow brick road[75south] into Oz. I have worked my ass off. I have planned everything from how i was getting here, where i would stay, where would my income be coming from, what i would eat, which family members to inform[not eveyone has the greatest advice to give when you decide to do your own thing] but it would seem that because I am a young black male-who enjoys company, both emotional and physical, of men i.e. GAY here in Oz, that everyone believes I have came here for the "overabundance of black gay men"
...smh

Nearly every man that I have met[usually older] makes the most ballsy comments along the affect of: "Oh you in Midtown, thats where all the men at" "Oh you young in atlanta, I know you be at the clubs" "I know you got a bunch of men you talking to"... UGH! I mean seriously, these comments come even after i sit and offer to them a vague overview of one of my five year plans-I refuse to be content with just one plan B. I shake my head at this. I know this is not the consensus of all me here in Oz. When i hear things like this the first thing out of my mouth is usually that there are gay men EVERYWHERE in the world so why would i head to Atlanta just to "find a man" && by the way, who said I was looking for a man? && whats up with no one[male] ever even considering that my attraction is not purely phyiscal-women enter my thoughts and sometimes my line of sight as well.

Dating here in Oz has been an experience to say the least. Key word: DATING. No one seems to be on the same page as I with this one, so allow me to throw a lil bit of myself out there in hopes that we[whomever & I] will be better able to find some form of common ground.

The Art of Dating: Dating is an artform. Being able to spend time with another person, exploring one anothers interest, talents, and company. That being said, sex may or may not be included in this art its entirely up to the dater[s]. [For myself] The purpose of dating is to learn someone as well as yourself, everyone is not going to mesh well with everyone-so you learn alot about yourself in dating. At the end of the day, through my dating experiences, even if we do not end up "in a relationship" I would like to have gained at the least familiar face and not just another unused contact in my phone.

I will say that I am not one for bullshit, I dont take kindly to people who dont live by their word-at times your word is all you have to represent yourself. Alot of conversations have been cut short not to say that im shallow or boujee at all I just refuse to become victim to this idea that all us young black men are the same. We are not!

-au•ton•o•mous